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Rep. Nelson Proposes The Gary Nelson Personal Pay Raise Bill Rep. Nelson Proposes The Gary Nelson Personal Pay Raise Bill
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 159 seconds

Congressman Gary Nelson has an economic plan to raise his family's standard of living.
More coverage at: http://onion.com



The Onion: Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is \ The Onion: Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 182 seconds

Despite arguments against capital punishment, the Justices overwhelmingly approved its use, especially if they get to participate in some executions.



The Onion: Disney Geneticists Debut New Child Stars The Onion: Disney Geneticists Debut New Child Stars
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 161 seconds

Disney claims its latest batch of child stars is so lifelike, youll barely be able to tell they have no souls.



The Onion: Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 08 Election The Onion: Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 08 Election
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 164 seconds

Embarrassed Diebold officials apologized after one of their electronic voting machines prematurely revealed the winner of our upcoming sham election.
More coverage at: http://onion.com



The Onion: Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election The Onion: Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 180 seconds

Our morning show's political correspondent offers tips on how you can seem informed about politics without picking up a single newspaper.



Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 145 seconds

For a majority of likely voters, meaningless bullshit will be the most important factor in deciding who they will vote for in 2008.
More coverage at: http://onion.com



Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 161 seconds

After comprehending the capricious nature of fate, the Jaguars could not go through with the charade of playing a meaningless football game.



In The Know: Has Halloween Become Overcommercialized? In The Know: Has Halloween Become Overcommercialized?
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 198 seconds

Panelists discuss whether Halloween candy and costumes have distracted us from placating demons to ensure a bountiful harvest.



The Onion: All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash The Onion: All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 180 seconds

Breaking News, officials confirm that all online data has been lost after the Internet crashed and was forced to restart.
More coverage at: http://www.onion.com



Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 195 seconds

Voting machine DRE700 came out of nowhere to defeat Barack Obama and John McCain and become the first machine president.



The Onion: Concentric Circles Emanating From Glowing Red Dot The Onion: Concentric Circles Emanating From Glowing Red Dot
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 146 seconds

Experts are still trying to determine the effect of the concentric circles on the long squiggly green objects located in the blue area.
More coverage: http://onion.com