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The Onion: Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is \ The Onion: Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 182 seconds

Despite arguments against capital punishment, the Justices overwhelmingly approved its use, especially if they get to participate in some executions.



The Onion: Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election The Onion: Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 180 seconds

Our morning show's political correspondent offers tips on how you can seem informed about politics without picking up a single newspaper.



The Onion: Disney Geneticists Debut New Child Stars The Onion: Disney Geneticists Debut New Child Stars
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 161 seconds

Disney claims its latest batch of child stars is so lifelike, youll barely be able to tell they have no souls.



The Onion: Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 08 Election The Onion: Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 08 Election
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 164 seconds

Embarrassed Diebold officials apologized after one of their electronic voting machines prematurely revealed the winner of our upcoming sham election.
More coverage at: http://onion.com



Warcraft Sequel Lets You Play A Character Playing Warcraft Warcraft Sequel Lets You Play A Character Playing Warcraft
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 179 seconds

World Of World Of Warcraft's amazing level of detail makes players feel like they are actually in a cramped, dark apartment playing World Of Warcraft.
More coverage at: http://onion.com



Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Presidency Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Presidency
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 178 seconds

President Bush will seek to comfort victims of his presidency as they try to make sense of the destruction he has caused.



Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 145 seconds

For a majority of likely voters, meaningless bullshit will be the most important factor in deciding who they will vote for in 2008.
More coverage at: http://onion.com



Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 161 seconds

After comprehending the capricious nature of fate, the Jaguars could not go through with the charade of playing a meaningless football game.



The Onion: \ The Onion: '9/11 Conspiracy Theories Ridiculous' - Al Qaeda
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 167 seconds

An Al Qaeda representative says that claims the U.S. government was behind the attacks on Sept. 11th are demeaning to Al Qaeda.
More coverage at: http://onion.com



Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate Threatens McCain\ Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate Threatens McCain's Base
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 186 seconds

Experts predict that Joad Cressbeckler could tip the election to Obama by attracting people who want to vote for the most crotchety candidate possible.



The Onion: \ The Onion: 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Made Into Feature Film
Posted by: TheOnion

Video duration: 163 seconds

Fans are worried that the feature film adaptation of the beloved trailer won't live up to the original 90-second story's vision.
More coverage at: http://onion.com